Why?

i cant make it home tonite baby im sorry
i'll be in first thing in the a.m dont worry

as i drop the phone i feel her dissapointment, all she said was "okay"
the little waver in her voice like a creaky step that would soon give wae

the unspoken question of why..
the tear i know is starting in her eye..

"come to bed baby, whats the matter?"...
the smile and the forced laughter

her hands so soft..her touch so warm...stolen kisses as sweet as they come..
but soon replaced by bile...as soon as theyre gone ..

shes just one of many countless beautiful faces
selected at random..used for their graces

i close my eyes ..cus i dont want to see or think...just feel
longing desperately for a time when our luv was real..

its like uve given up...resigned urself to ur fate
u no longer ask where i'm going..or if i'll be late

no longer listening when i try to explain my absence
at night..i hear the quiet sobs..as ur tears wet the matress

why do I hurt you so..?
its not u..its me...but deep down i know

i blame you...
and at times i feel like i hate you

if it wasnt for ur carelessness, i would still have my little boy
but with one bad decision ..ur inaction robbed me of my joy..

shut up!..my heart tells my mind
i know partially some of the fault is mine

i know it broke ur heart then and at night i hear it breaking further
Guilt eatin u up inside..fueled by my silence..ignoring my aching lover..

u've suffered enough..i shouldnt punish u more
this isnt wot we got married for

i should be kissing the guilty tears awae..n u shuld be filling the hole in my heart...we should be helping each other heal
help me Lord to love her again...silent prayer as my fingers dial.."hey baby, get dressed ..im taking you somewhere expensive for a meal"..

i hear the confusion...then the shock ..then the laughter
it feels my heart with joy and it feels like the moment after

u escape..u win..or u survive
exhilaration...a new lease to life

Thank you..anothered whispered prayer...cus it feels like before
letting go of the past ..taking hope from what the future has in store...