Ghosts in the machine

Ghosts in the Machine..

Phantoms of your love ..no more



ur fave programs i still watch them...

that spot we did it on the floor...


feeling like such a loser..

i tell myself SNAP OUT OF IT

constantly taken back to the night u said goodbye

as ur tears and mine mingled at ur feet..


Holding on to u..

my head on ur tummy my arms around ur waist...


Damn..

i close my eyes and i can smell u...feel..taste...

It was the hardest thing

to watch u leave...


my soul was vexed..

my heart was grieved...


Who do i blame?

is it destiny...

the same one i thanked

for bringing u to me?


"okay we wont have babys then"..i said in desperation..

but u didnt want to deny me the joy of holding a little me in my arms..

u wanted me to be happy..and u made the difficult decision..

too many S's in ur genotype..one in mine made it a danger for our babys..

six years of our lives...i promised u forever..

i pictured u and me many years from now ..growing old and gray together..

how can i love anyone else...all my heart knows is u...

why did we leave it so long ...that doesnt even matter..how can i let the doctors verdict given as "advise" lie inbetween me and u..


why us...why test our love this way?..

i try not to blink..no..these tears wont fall today...

but they do..and i cry like a little baby...

hating myself for it..hating everything..

but then a verse comes into my mind...

and it stays there till it gets my attention..

and i feel a peace start to spread

in every dimension

mind...body...soul...heart...

and i feel His love comforting me..


and i know...

it is well with Me.